Anonymous
Life
Letter

How do we now what direction the universe is guiding us in? This is a good question because when we can start to follow divine guidance life becomes easier. When one does not, life seems bogged down which can lead to depression, anger, manipulation or other self-defeating behaviors.

I do not know about any of you but, I have yet to experience a burning bush when I am seeking guidance. Never have the heavens opened out and poured upon me a clear and concise answer to my inquiries. No, “Turn left here, Joseph” or “Climb this mountain and you will find the answers you seek”. My guidance has come to me in thoughts and feelings, from quiet inspiration, through taking action and watching the results, from talking to friends, through dreams, and through receiving and giving readings. More often than not, it is quite subtle. There have been a few times when guidance has come like a force and has filled me with the excitement of new possibility. These few experiences in my life totally moved me and still it was a very internal process that I needed to sort through. I had to take responsibility to find meaning in those few moments; it was not an external cut and dry- “this is the path for you” kind of experience.

Feelings, inspirations, and sudden thoughts can lead us to Gods/Goddess’s will. The problem comes when they filter through our egos. This can mean ones fears and issues can color guidance. Tom maybe receiving guidance that it is time to move on to a new job. He may feel this in his gut and be experiencing some depression at work. He may even daydream about the prefect vocation for himself. Tom also has a fear of the responsibility that comes with freedom and security issues from childhood. As these signs drift into his awareness he interprets them that he needs to make more money to gain his freedom. He then sets himself up to work harder with longer hours to gain his liberation. This leads to more depression and day dreaming so he than starts to work harder to gain freedom, etc. etc. Tom does hear the message to move on and he interprets that message to mean he must work more to stock pile cash to get there. He may need the security and the message here is to move on; not get involved in a circle that keeps him trapped. He is lucky that he can even hear any of the guidance. God is always giving us hints as to what direction will bring one to their highest good and often one just can not hear those whisperings.

With awareness of ones fears and issues one can start to realize how they distort reality. It is this awareness we seek, it is the starting point of change. Through awareness of the limiting aspects of our egos we no longer need to attach to them. Even with awareness it can be hard to hear guidance beyond these issues.

I have had numerous instances in my life where I can look back and see this drama play out. It is usually easy to see these things in hindsight as I am not as attached to the situation; it is more like a movie I visited. I was involved with a relation a few years back that played out like a textbook of ignoring guidance. In this relationship, we had agreed to go our separate ways. There was no major discord within the relationship and we both, quite rightly, knew that we needed different things from a relationship. So I moved out and started on my process of feeling the pain and grief of heartbrake. This lasted a time and then I moved on. Well, circumstances had it that after about 8 months we found ourselves back in contact “as friends” and after awhile that started to progress back in to a relationship situation. At this point, I needed to make a decision whether to walk back down that path or not. In a meditation I had a thought which was clear, almost as clear as a voice from a friend, it was “This will lead to greater heart brake”. At first, I acted dumb to that insight-“what is this thought trying to tell me”. That did not last long, it was just too obvious. The thing with re-entering this relationship is we both knew we were not compatible on the relationship level no matter how well we did as friends. I came up with the normal 150 rationalizations as to why this was going to be different and proceeded down the path of relationship. In the end, the thought or voice was right and we separated again.

Now, I do know a bit about myself and my issues. In this instance, even if God had showed up on my doorstep it would have been hard for me to hear the message. There was a lot going on here with me on different levels, so as to avoid scaring everyone with my mind I will just look at one aspect of this scenario. I have an abandonment issue that tells me I NEED to find love from people who are unable to give it. It is not that the other could not express love; it is more the way they express it is difficult for me to feel it. There are different ways people express and feel love. It is important to find a way that matches who you are or no matter how loving a person is it cannot be fully felt. The underlying message for me here is that I am lovable. I need to feel that for myself and not try to convince the outside world that this is so. With a healthy self-love I would also not put myself in situations where I do not get my love needs met. As long as I was willing to give more importance to my abandonment issue and the thought that spring from it, God’s grace could not be received in this area of my life. This is what happened, so in this case –
Abandonment issue- 1
God’s Guidance- 0

This is not a bad deal; it is, in the long run, a blessing, which is very hard to see in the moment. On a sub-conscious level I needed to re-address this abandonment issue to gain prospective from it and heal some of it. This is how life is, when one gives more energy to listen to their issues than to God’s guidance one faces those issues. In the above situation, there is no one to blame and I need to take responsibility for creating my own heartbrake. Responsibility is not beating myself up! Responsibility is accepting and working through the issues that keep me from manifesting my highest good.

What is gods will for me? This is the big question! It can be put into one word-FREEDOM. We have been given the gift of freewill and also the prison of the mind. As with a lot of this universal dance, one is constantly up against paradox, God’s sense of humor. To fully enjoy and be grateful for ones freedom it seems one must come to terms with the prison. It is hard for humans to appreciate things that are freely given. I do not know why this is true it just is. I see in my own life how I will forget to be grateful for even simple things like food, clothing, shelter, relationships. There have been periods in my life when food was scares or I was involved in a new relationship and at those times, I have been very grateful for those things. Being human as times wears on and it all becomes commonplace those times of scarcity fade in memory along with the intense feeling of gratitude. Here I enter the mind and I am blinded to my own blessings.

The freedom that is God’s/Goddess’ will for us is vast and beyond our comprehension. It is the freedom to unconditionally love our self, the freedom to manifest our highest good, the freedom to see our limitations and not be trapped it them, the freedom to accept all that is, the freedom to experience peace.

How do we find our freedom? In this realm of gravity we grow through this earthly existence. I call our life on this plane the “realm of gravity” because our lives here pull us down. Gurdjieff stated, to paraphrase- humans left on their own accord will live by the lowest denominator they can get by with. This sounds pretty harsh and with Gurdjieff he liked to shock people. Gravity does pull us down, though. It pulls us into our lower vibrations. This does not mean we will act on or live at that lower vibration and from time to time we will visit it. Our souls need to explore their fullness, their complete fullness. Many times I wish I could just explore and live in the more ethereal aspects of my soul and I realize I need to know, accept and love all that I am. The only way for one to view the wholeness of the soul is to experience it. This experience does not need to always be in physical manifestation, the soul can explore itself through thoughts, feelings, dreams and a whole host of other ways.

The soul’s exploration is not just into ones “lower self” we often enjoy higher aspects of the soul. This is why the gravity realm is so useful. Our souls are like a basketball. Gravity pulls us down, we hit a bottom of some kind, and then we bounce back. Without the gravity pulling us into our secretive selves we would not have the ability to bounce as high. With our growth our point of bouncing back is risen, we no longer need to go as deep into our darkness. Growth is the realization of our whole self and the accepting of that. When one has acceptance of the lower vibrations of self a choice is granted. It looks like this-
1) I find myself thinking or feeling a certain way, or find myself in a situation that is shedding light on habitual self-defeating tendencies
2) I accept this situation- telling myself I am still OK on a core level-I still love myself even if I have “negative” things going on
3) Because I love my self, I make a choice to pursue behavior that is going to bring me better results
4) I experience my whole being and the freedom of choice
!!!!!!YA-HOO!!!!!

This is all boiled down to the simplest level. This is the toughest work we can do. It takes lifetimes to fully realize the vastness of the soul and to love all that we are. I have heard when we are done here we simply move to another level of existence to start exploring again in that realm. Who really knows? The main point here is to be easy on yourself. To try and try again without investments in the result, though for me; I at times, feel the need for validation by sensing some progress. LOOK! More work to do! Be gentle on yourself! Love yourself wherever you find yourself. This is a huge undertaking, be patient.

Tell yourself at lest once a day- I love Myself- and feel it!!!

This is just a branch of a tree with many. I hope to explore other branches in the future.

 

LOVE & BLESSINGS,
Joseph

 

© Joseph Piekutoski 6/2007