Anonymous
Life
Letter

This is the first addition! YA-HOO! I am hoping to use this “newsletter” as a way for all of us to reflect on the richness in life. I would prefer to call it a “Life letter” as all that happens in this world, the life of this world, can be used as a means of reflection.

Ah! It’s spring! We are back to the start of the cycle. I love this time of year, I guess I love all times of year when I think about it. It is all the growth and new life, the smells of flowers calling out “I am back”, the blossoms opening for the first time from plants and bulbs that have been through this re-growth many times. I find it amazing when I think of a fruit tree or tulip that can be old producing something so new and original. The newness of a flower can seem so separate from the history from which it comes. I am aware that I to can have a newness, an opening, that is fresh and alive and I am aware how my attachment to the roots of my history can limit that flowering.

It is funny that when I reflect on newness, growth, a new beginning I still think of what that means and put it in a thought box labeled “New Beginning”. I define how it is going to look, what is going to feel like, how I will think, the new freedom I will have, etc., etc., etc. The tree does not contemplate the flower, it just happens, in it own time. This reflection is a great blessing and a curse. It is a blessing that we do not have to live the same lessons over and over again. Where the tree can not plan or growth beyond nature we can.

We had an apple tree in Montana and we lived in a higher elevation. That poor tree struggled. There were other apple trees in the area that had grown without human ad. They struggled also. When the sun and temperature were at the right place the trees genes would kick in. The flowers would brake out ready for a new year. Unfortunately it frosted about half the time when the flowers were still on the tree. All that apple tree was trying to do was fill its divine vocation in life. Without planning, which of course it could not do, it was destine to repeat the same mistake every year with a 50/50 chance of making it. There were times in my past that I could identify with that apple tree, there were times if I had a 50/50 chance to get the results I desired I would have felt those were good odds. During that period I was stuck in time. The future was a mirroring of the past because I did not see the frosts in my life and if I did, I did not want to take responsibility for them. I am glad that now I try to grow from my past and not re-live it unconsciously.

It is not that I always make this choice to grow beyond my nature and just knowing I have that choice is liberating. The same glorious mechanisms that allow me to evolve through my experience can also allow me to be trapped as well. The same mind that can brilliantly see the past, evaluate were change needs to happen, and decide on action can limit our growth. We need the mind to review not to preview. Even the image of what enlightenment will be like is limiting. I mean how am I really supposes to know. Just because I see Buddha statues can I have any idea what was going on internally for him? Can anyone? Until one arrives the glory of the mansion is beyond comprehension.

One can laugh with a creator at the paradoxes we as humans face on this journey. How often are the keys to ones happiness and the doors that keeps one from it flip sides of the same

coin? It is usually through reflection that one can see this cosmic joke. Through the years it has become more apparent to me. There are times in the moment when the joke is so blatant I do catch it and even that ability has come from quite times of self reflection.

This was a lot of work to begin with, simply because the habit was not there. It seemed unnatural and self consuming to be paying so much attention to myself. All the constant questioning of motives, thoughts and feelings just trying to understand where I was coming from as a human. The highest hurtle and one I still struggle with was judging myself once I had gained an understanding. How dare I be human?!? The paradox in all this is that by spending that time on myself self consumed I actually now have more time for others than I ever imagine I could. I am much closer to the giving person I want to be and that manifested by giving to myself first.

Now most of the time reflection does not need to be a consuming deep pursuit it is just an awareness. “This is happening in the world, in my life, with so and so, at work etc. and I feel or think this way about it” When reflection and awareness became a providence of both feeling and mind we are less likely to get stuck in the past. By truly honoring and exploring the feelings that come up in life I find that I progress beyond the past at a much steadier pace. The mind is a great tool and it is dangerous to be trusted alone. The trick in all this is not to attach to the feelings or thoughts. Thoughts and feeling are real and they are not reality. They are just there to give us a way to understand ourselves better. When I see a sign that reads bakery I know the sign is real and I realize the reality of the goodies is inside.

Over time awareness and reflection become a habit. Then it is just something we do. We take in life, feeling and sensing what it means to us personal. We understand that all of life is our own personal experience. Life takes on an expanded richness. It is all there for our growth when we decide to use it as such. We can always be assured that God will give us as many chances we need to understand the messages life has to offer and if we do not get them this time around there will be another chance next time. The first step in any growth is the awareness that change is desirable; that we wish to move in a new direction. An awareness that at any time we can flower into something new beyond our history, beyond our current understandings, beyond our imagination!

A daily practice or discipline has been vital in this path to create awareness. This practice had to come from myself to become a piece of me. I have borrowed a great deal from other disciplines and have molded a routine that fits me as a person. Through developing ones own course of prayer and meditation ones awareness will grow. Awareness seems to flow out and expand from my daily practice. To find what worked I needed to try many methods, I encourage everyone to experiment and play with as many forms as they can find. Over time, as we grow, our practice will grow into its own life. Adding something here, dropping something there, revisiting a practice from the past, the goal is to continue to explore and grow into what feels right and is giving you the growth you desire. One day maybe we can find growth beyond our desires.

I wish the best for you all in the
coming months and wish you
a time of glorious inner flowering!

Blessings,
Joseph